Wish List

So I had been meaning to write another blog for the past few weeks to go along with the general theme of Thanksgiving. You know, the usual listing of things I am thankful for, like Plaza Azteca Mexican Restaurant, radiant heating (that’s heated floors people!), and this blog , but as is the case with the holiday season, time and energy are at a premium and sometimes we don’t get to do everything we intended to do. So since it is now past Thanksgiving, it wouldn’t be right to do a Thanksgiving post about what I am thankful for. Instead, we’ll pull the old switcheroo on this entry and we will make this a post about things I WILL be thankful for… after you get them for me… for Christmas. That’s right friends, this is my wish list. Please do not be modest with your generosity, I won’t judge you for spending too much. I’m very understanding like that. I realize that this entry doesn’t have a whole lot to do with cycling, but as cyclists, you’ll probably find some of this information very valuable. I am fully aware that all the items are food. To quote my attorney, Steve Benjamin, “[This is] What cyclists talk about on training rides AFTER they have exhausted the subject of women [or men, if you’re into that], sports, and bikes. Except Ryan Clarke. All he talks about is food.”

This is true, so let’s DO THIS!

Peanut Butter & Co Peanut Butter (1 of every flavor) – Cyclists are professional eaters…FACT. We need calories, and we need them YESTERDAY. If you’re like me (handsome, charming, bitchin’ mustache), then you appreciate the nutritious value of a good peanut butter. The Spin Mafia ain’t your mama’s cycling team, and therefore we should not lower ourselves to eating some June Cleaver, white bread, jive turkey peanut butter. Creamy or crunchy?... that’s child’s play. How about Dark Chocolate Dreams or Cinnamon Raisin Swirl? Now we’re on to something. I mean, spicy peanut butter?!?!? Maple flavored peanut butter?!?!? WHO is the genius that came up with this stuff and WHY is there not a statue erected in his or her honor? You can find some of the flavors at your local grocery store, but not all of them. I’ve done the research (you're welcome) and the only way to get some of them around here is to order them directly from the website. So, contact me off list for my address and you can just have them ship directly to my house. Make sure you get a tracking number and possibly shipping insurance. This stuff is like gold.

Edy’s Slow Churned Ice Cream – You guys are going to have to trust me on this one. I’m an expert. I eat ice cream Every. Single. Night. This is not an exaggeration, I actually do this. I was a Cat 4 ice cream eater for a few years, and I went straight to pro with this discovery. I have journeyed far and wide (throughout the frozen dessert section), and I have sampled ice creams from the most exotic locales. From Turkey Hill to Breyers, from Ben & Jerry’s to Haagen Dazs. Based on strict judging criteria, Edy’s Slow Churned has emerged the victor. While Ben & Jerry’s does offer the best assortment of flavors, they also have quite a bit of calories. Edy’s Slow Churned boasts half the calories or less, and still delivers on flavor. We may be serious eaters, but we are sensible as well, no? Here’s the trick though… While you can go any day of the year and pickup such standards as Cookies and Cream, Mint Chocolate Chip, or Strawberry, it takes some serious cunning (luck) to find the “Limited Edition” flavors. These pop up sporadically throughout the year, and you’d better buy a few, because there’s no telling when they’ll return. I’m talking about Samoa Ice Cream (you know, like the Girl Scout Cookies), Mud Pie Ice Cream (from the heavens), and last but certainly not least, Smores Ice Cream. If there is one absolute truth in life, it is that everything, EVERYTHING is better with a graham cracker swirl. Real quick, here is the Ice Cream Decision Hierarchy. This is how you will buy:

1. Graham Cracker Swirl – if no options are available, proceed to #2 (and so on)…

2. Some sort of cookie crunch

3. Peanut butter

4. Brownie bits

The exception to the rule here is if there is something that you’ve never before heard of. For example, they had Pumpkin flavor recently… as in pumpkin pie. Using the hierarchy, I was forced to buy it, and I was rewarded with ice cream that tasted like a ginger bread man and only had 90 calories per serving (Ben & Jerry’s has over 200 usually).

Target Brand Zen Party Mix –Target is a great little place. It’s not quite as classy as Wal-Mart, but then again, what is? In their snack section they have a bunch of trail mix type concoctions, but only one that takes you to THE Party. I used to go to the Zen Party on the reg. Those were my wild-child days. Hittin’ the Zen Party left and right. Sometimes I’d just eat the dried wasabi peas. Sometimes I’d have a cocktail of sesame sticks, spicy rice crackers, and cashews. Hell, sometimes I would just eat whatever I could get my hands on. I became desperate, pawning my parents’ valuables for Zen Party money, breaking into neighbors’ cars to fuel my Zen Party fix. Hard times man, hard times. I’ve been off that stuff for a good bit, but I’m lookin’ to score. Hook a brother up with a VIP pass to the Zen Party. Just this one time, I swear.

Nutella (hazelnut, cocoa, and skim milk, mixed into a delicious spread) - You’ve seen the commercial. If you haven’t, then clearly you don’t watch nearly enough television… It’s a wholesome breakfast for your kids. That’s what the commercial says. It shows a mom giving her kids Nutella on toast, and everyone is smiling. The sun is shining, there’s a bluebird on my shoulder, etc., etc. Look, I’m not going to bullshit you on this one… that’s probably a stretch. If it’s like the house I grew up in, it’s more like this:

Mom is not smiling as she hands over the Nutellafied toast, she’s frowning. Junior just dumped his orange juice in his sister’s oatmeal because she ratted him out for smoking a joint out in the driveway while he warmed up the ’88 Bonneville for the ride to school, and daughter dearest retaliated with Nutella toast to the dome. That’s what I’ve heard goes down at least. Not me, just a guy a know.

Nutella intake must be kept under control. You can’t go around spooning out Nutella all willy-nilly and expect to remain svelte. I prefer 2 pieces of toast daily with a healthy dose of Nutella on each. I kid you not, I go to sleep each night excited about waking up for this one. Every day is Christmas.

Also, I have yet to try this, but via the Nutella internet forum that I am a founding member of, I heard you can take your empty jar, fill it with milk, mix it up, and voila: chocolate milk.

Scoreboard, y’all.

This size will do for your gift to me:

Protein Shakes – And you thought this was all about indulgence. I feel I should at least include something you folks recognize as healthy (although all of the above items can be used wisely in that regard if done properly). I make one of two shakes immediately after hard or long workouts to get my recovery off on the right foot, and here they are. Nothing exotic or unheard of, just good for you (and good FOR you).

1. Strawberry/Banana Shake (put this stuff in your blender and do it up)

a. 2 scoops chocolate whey protein powder

b. 1 cup milk (depending on how thick you want it)

c. 1 frozen banana broken into ice cube size pieces

d. 5-8 frozen strawberries

e. 1 big scoop of peanut butter

2. Coffee Shake (blenderize homies)

a. 2 scoops chocolate whey protein powder

b. 1 cup milk

c. Handful of almonds

d. Spoonful of instant coffee grounds

e. Handful of ice cubes

These should be consumed directly from the blender. The recovery effect will be ten-fold if you do this in front of your in-laws. Trust me, I know.

Alright, we’re going to wrap it up on that note. I could go all day on this topic, but I feel I’ve given you a nice buffet to choose from. In regards to cycling, I’ve managed a handful of rides lately (mostly solo). I did my first Coffee & Cobbles (partial) this past weekend, and while it was a great ride, from what I’m told, the full experience can only be had when Jimmy Burns is present. I’ll just have to wait for that. I’ll catch up with everyone soon though on one ride or another. I broke in my new Spin Mafia bibs and jacket recently, and I will say, with an unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality, they’re fabulous.

Now gets the shopping people. These gifts aren’t going to buy/make themselves.