Old Man Winter (not a post about Paul)

Steve Martin's character from The Jerk, Navin R. Johnson, opens the film by saying, "I was born a poor, black child." Well, I think I was born a hungry, Mexican child, because after every single Spin Mafia ride, all I can think about is eating a giant burrito. Okay, so maybe I was born a skinny fat child...or something like that. Whichever works best for you.

It was in the 20's this morning at 7:15am when Chris Jones and I got on the bikes and started riding over to The Lot. Chris had done a threshold test on a Computrainer the day before, so I was looking forward to him being a little tired from that. He would eventually let me down on that count... again... and again... and again.

At first, I would say it was surprising to find around 15 people crazy enough to come out to the start of the ride, but then again, we ARE The Spin Mafia... we eat glass for breakfast, nails for lunch, and our young for dinner. The downside to that, of course, comes after our morning coffee, but hey, HTFU, right?

After the first 7 miles or so, my hands were almost completely numb. Our paceline was rotating nicely, but I was beginning to worry that if it got any worse, I'd have to retire to a solo ride. Riding in a pack with no dexterity in your hands is hazardous to everyone's health, and I didn't want to be responsible for causing a wreck and hurting Jimmay's pretty new Felt. Get a scratch on that thing already! Luckily, after I complained about the physical pain my hand was in to Joe, it miraculously started feeling better... turns out the purse I was carrying was the problem.

The ride continued pretty much as usual, and Chris and I wrapped it all up with around 66 miles and according to my newly acquired Garmin, around 3000 calories. I've never been one to really think about calories, but it's pretty awesome to know how many calories I should crush...err... replace over the next few hours.

Thanks for the ride everyone, now for a few quick notes:

1. A PSA... watch riding 2 abreast on roads where cars can't pass when doing so, and stop at the stop signs... especially the ones with cops sitting nearby

2. Katie... knee warmers? Really? I probably had a spare set of tights in that purse I mentioned that you could've used... just ask next time!

3. As long as I'm referencing The Jerk, here are the 5 funniest movies ever as a topic for debate: 1. The Jerk 2. What About Bob? 3. The Cable Guy 4. Wedding Crashers 5. The Hangover

I'll be your huckleberry

Tom Petty once sang that, "the waiting is the hardest part." Most people might think he was singing about a girl or something lame like that, but actually, that song is about being a cyclist who comes down with an illness during New Year's weekend when the weather is unseasonably warm and all he can do is wait until he is well enough to ride.

That's a true story.

I woke up Christmas morning with a cold. No big deal, I'll just keep on doing what I do. A week later, I noticed that said cold had now moved south into my chest. I finished up a 2.5 hour ride on Friday out by the battlefields and upon cooling down, launched into a coughing fit reminiscent of Val Kilmer in his portrayal of Doc Holliday in the magnificent work of cinematic prowess, Tombstone. I limped home, and for the rest of the day, I looked like Ratso Rizzo from Midnight Cowboy, wasting away in the loving arms of Jon Voigt while this song played in the background:



I'm not here to feel sorry for myself though, or to try and make you feel sorry for me. I just know that you've all been in this position before, so you can all relate, and perhaps you can also relate to how I spent my days off the bike while you were all out riding and enjoying the weather.

We all practice some form of neglect so that we can spend hours on our bikes. Whether it's household maintenance, your day job, or basic hygiene (you thought I was going to make a Chris Harvie joke there, right? Well, I've matured), we all put certain things off for "just one more week." Well, when I can't get on my bike, a funny thing happens... I remember all these things, and I have to DO THEM. This, of course, drives my wife crazy. And while I know I should be resting, I look at it like I AM resting because I'm not on my bike. She does not agree. The thing is, if I don't stay busy, I will sit around and sulk about what I COULD be doing (riding). I'll experience massive nervous breakdowns, complete with sobbing uncontrollably, eating chocolates while watching Lifetime movies, and shadow boxing in the mirror wearing just my tighty-whities until I REALLY lose it and start watching Danny Glover movies as if they were actually any good. LUDICROUS!!!

My point is this: If you are sick and you want to get back on your bike ASAP, you HAVE TO CHILL!!! This means no more painting the trim, no more trimming the shrubs, no more unclogging the drain, and no more fixing the back door.

That's what SHE said.

I miss you guys, and clearly I've been watching too much TV and movies.